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C. Lee McKenzie

Young Adult and Middle Grade Author

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I’m Almost Here

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I’m almost here, but not quite. It’s going to take a little longer, and not only because of this emotional crunch, but because of the time. I’m discovering just how much my husband did to support my writing and promotion of books. He gave me so much freedom from the daily humdrum. However, I laud him even more for putting things in order as much as anyone can.

My checklist since May 17 is a story about sudden loss and regaining equilibrium. Between each step insert “try to understand what has happened.”

Make arrangements for cremation.
Call family and friends.
Shut down anything about books.
Cancel all his appointments and mine.
Find checkbooks and passwords.
Call lawyer, tax man, health insurance.
Write obituary–not just the ordinary one, but something to honor him.
Answer phone, email messages, knocks on door.
Learn to say no to offers of help, or give people specific things that would help.
Find notes to know what projects he’d scheduled. Cancel, reschedule or show up to meet the contractor.
Pay bills due.
Pick up ashes.
Field more calls and visits.

That’s a tidy summary for the reality of sudden loss. It looks doable in writing, but some who read this will know what’s happening between those lines.

I’m forever grateful for everyone’s help during this difficult time, and this is the only reason I’m posting something so personal. I plan to return to writing and all that involves. It may be a different involvement, but writing and connecting with other writers is a big part of my life, and my husband wouldn’t want me to give it up. I’ll be around to see all of you, but not as quickly and efficiently as in the past.

With affection to all of you.

Lee

 

 

 

 

 

Comments

  2. Oh Lee, that list made me weep. I am so terribly sorry. I wish with all my heart you didn’t have to go through this. It takes forever to find the right person, and then to lose him so early–it really isn’t fair.

    I’m hoping all the friendship and support is helping, but I’m sure it’s a small comfort. Still, I am here for whatever you need. I’ve come to care about you a lot over the years, and your kindness has not gone unnoticed. You’re a special person–please lean on us whenever you need. xo

  8. Thank you all for being out there in the world and sending all this positive energy my direction. It has made a huge difference.

  10. My heart is with you, Lee. I know everything between your to-do list. That is great that you still plan on writing. You’re getting there way faster than I was able to do.

  11. We’re all with you Clem! I’ve no doubt that list is ever growing and a lot more angsty than you let on. But the old adage -‘take one day at a time’ is still true.

    I won’t be posting anything new til June 20 for WEP. Don’t waste your time visiting me. See you as our yarns unravel…

    Much love xx

  12. I’m so sorry for your unimaginable loss! So many of us in the writing community are thinking of you and your family during this difficult time.

  15. I am so sorry for your loss. And yeah, the internet and the blogosphere will be here when you’re ready to return, but that doesn’t have to be for a long, long time. Take the time you need. Be good to yourself. And deal with what you can. That emotional wallop… Take care.

  16. My prayers are with you, Lee. There’s so much to do, it seems unending. But among all the have-to-do-things are the lovely memories. Nothing can take those away.
    Bless you.

  19. I’m sure it’s all so overwhelming. Thank you for taking the time to keep in touch with the blogging/writing community. You’re in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs!

  20. Hi Lee – I applaud you for being so thoughtful to us – and organised for yourself … it does sound as though your husband was an amazing man … giving you your head with his supportive deeds. Certainly the understanding of what goes on between the lines of typed notes … is harrowing … with hugs and thoughts, and take your time – we’ll be here … so glad you’ll still be writing … all the best – Hilary

  22. Cheryl-Lee, thank you for writing this piece. Your list lets us know what you’ve been up against, the staggering task of adjusting to a close personal loss, handling myriad tasks and slowly working your way back to normalcy. I applaud you, dear friend. Please take good care of yourself. We are all with you!